Ever notice talking with middle schoolers can feel a lot like juggling?

How often do we find ourselves surrounded by an energetic group of students, all telling us a different story—at the same time?

In these moments (and these moments strike almost every week, don’t they?) I’m struck by how deeply middle schoolers long to be listened to, to be valued, to know someone really cares about them and about what matters to them.

These moments also make me wonder how often anyone really does listen to a middle schooler…how often adults speak to them with compassion, not just correction or condemnation.

As a youth worker, you have an incredible opportunity to love a middle schooler through listening! Here are 3 ways to move your conversations from “juggling” to heart listening.

1. Listen more than you speak. Listen to the kind of words students use. Listen to the way they talk about their families. About their friends. What emotions lie beneath their statements? What do they share about how they view themselves? With insecurity, arrogance, self-defeatism, confidence? What hopes and fears do they express in their stories, in their mannerisms? Listening well provides you a wealth of insight on how to minister to students.

2. Ask good questions! Whether students are naturally chatty or reserved, asking great questions helps students share what’s really going on inside. Look for open-ended questions—ones that require an answer other than “yes” or “no.” Jesus was a master at asking questions like this! Here are just a few from Cadre’s Ministry is Relationships Workshop that will take your conversations below the surface:

1. What is one thing you would love to smash with a hammer if you would not get in trouble for it and why?
   

2. Who is crazy about you—and how does that person show it?
   

3. What story do you enjoy hearing your parents or other relatives tell about something YOU did or said when you were little?
   

4. What is the greatest misconception people have about you?
   

5. If you could wave a magic wand and have whatever you wished for in any part of your life, what would it be?
   

6. What do you think God’s opinion is of you? If you could read His mind, what would God be thinking of you right now?
   

3. At ministry events, talk to students more than you talk to other adults. This is self-explanatory, but oh so important.

Heart Listening Resources

The Kids’ Book of Questions by Gregory Stock

Would You Rather…? by Doug Fields

Arrow Leadership’s Mentoring Questions for heart listening with adults, this monthly email includes a great question and suggestions on what to listen for, how to respond and ways to coach the person through the conversation it sparks. Subscribe to Mentoring Questions

Happy Listening!  ~Laura Wampach